Even though my mental health has now drastically improved, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where everything gets the better of me. Particularly when my health is in a flare, as it means I can’t do the things I had planned, I rely on my carers more and face being admitted into hospital. Every hospital admission is a horrible experience. I often don’t talk about the difficulties I endure during these admissions, but it leaves me feeling very anxious just thinking about the place! I feel sick when I hear ambulance sirens now and I can’t stand anything over my face or someone holding my arms; as it reminds me of doctors pinning me down to get emergency access and having breathing masks forced onto your face. The fear of whether the doctor on call will understand my needs, believe my condition and follow my care plan often prevents me from going, when I have really needed it! Another trigger is crowded places. I have been bumped many times in public, which to most wouldn’t be a big deal. But to me it can cause pain, dislocations, faint spells, breathing problems and even allergic reactions if the person is smoking. I try not to let this fear stop me from going somewhere, but it doesn’t mean that going is easy. However, Fliss has massively helped me in these situations, but I will save the long list of reasons why for another day!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks it’s almost impossible not to feel down, stressed or anxious during the tough times. But thankfully now I am able to recognise those feelings and know that I have to give myself time to ride out my emotions, before getting back on track mentally.